Dad,
Or should I even call you that anymore? Because I really could care less that you are even my dad let alone in my life! Why? Why have you done all of these things to me my brother and my sister. I honestly wish I had never had you as my dad! I wish you weren’t my dad!! I hope you live in regret for what you did to us! I sat in the floor curled up BALLING MY EYES OUT!!! Because you lied to me!!! I hope you feel the pain I felt for the past freakn 9 YEARS!!! Words can not and will not ever fully describe how much you hurt me!! And this is just me you have hurt 6 other people!! How could you?!?!? I don’t even know what else to say to you anymore! I have tried EVERYTHING to get our relationship to work out. It was all a big joke though wasn’t it? Because you knew all along that you were lying! If you only knew…If you really only knew…I don’t want you anymore. As I sit here typing this letter I wanna just ball my eyes out, when really I am completely and totally out of tears now. I have shed them all it feels like! I am so filled with anger towards you. I know its not right but what do I do with all of this anger!? YOU TELL ME?!?! Because your getting by pretty well with hiding your anger aren’t you?
That’s all you really are…Filled with anger, rage, bitterness, sadness, hate, and honestly your filled with the Devil! And you are in a pit that is going to be really really hard to get out of because of how deep you have dug your hole! You can fix this by yourself your mommy and daddy cant fix it only YOU and GOD! Have you ever even tried to let God in??? Have you asked God to forgive you for lying, having affairs, cheating, committing adultery, not bringing up your children in a Godly manner? I honestly doubt it… I have tried SOOOOOOO hard to let things go with you. Every single time something like this comes up with you I let it go. NOT THIS TIME! This time I am taking a stand! I’m tired of being a weak person when I know deep down inside there is this Sarah that wants to fight! But Sarah can’t do this on her own either she needs God to! Sarah is confused, hurt, uncared for by her father, upset, depressed, sad, angered, and yet her own father doesn’t see it..Why? Why doesn’t her father see it? It's because she feels like her own father doesn't even care about her. At all!! If you cared you would have been there for me for the past 9 years of my life! But, you weren’t. You say “I love you Sarah, I care about you”…No you don’t! You really don’t. I guess I will just live the rest of my life with out a dad now. I have been getting along “just fine” for 9 years. So don’t talk to me again unless you are ready to do some confessing because I don’t want anything to do with a lying father! You have just lost something that is going to take forever to get back. And that is your daughter!
How could you do this to me!? I am so lost right now because of all of the lies you have told! I know so much yet you don’t know the things I know! The only reason why you don’t know that I know is because I didn’t find out from you.
When I was 7 years old you told me you were leaving my family. That was the day that my life changed. I’m pretty sure you really don’t fully understand how much my life changed. And it wasn’t a good change, it was a bad change. Thank you for ruining my life. Thank you for lying to me. Thank you for every horrid thing you ever did to me. Because of you I have trusted God more than I ever have! Ya I don’t have a dad anymore but I have God. When Nancy came over that one night I SAW you kiss her little did I know that there was a women before her…how many freaking affairs did you have while you were married to mom?!?!?! How could you!!!??
Now lets skip ahead to 9years old. Remember the night I ran away. Why did I run away? BECAUSE . OF. YOU! You did that to me! You made me want to kill myself yes, I tried killing myself several times because of you when I was 9 years old!
13 years old I tried killing myself again 5 times at the least!
15-16 years old to present day…Well there has been SOOOOOOOO much that you don’t know that happened to me. And maybe you don’t care which wouldn’t surprise me. Last November remember our fight? Well I definitely do. I remember what you made me want to do. You and me got into a fight because you didn’t come to my tournaments because you “didn’t have enough money” IT WAS 2 freaking DOLLARS!!!! 2 $ What a freakn lie!!!!! And a joke!!! And not to mention I got into another fight with my grandpa which made me wanna do what I did even more! I tried killing myself that night. But it’s ok if you don’t care you haven’t cared for 9 years so its fine. I got into a cutting addiction in February because of you. I tried working things out with you but you never listened to how I feel.
June I found out that you were getting yet ANOTHER divorce…what is that now 5 women that you have married? Yepp pretty sure that’s how many…Ya I know bout the other women as well. I ain’t as stupid and ignorant as you. I know why you got a divorce it wasn’t Nancy’s fault at all. It was ALL you! You cheated on her! How dare you do that to her! You kept my brother and step sister away from me. I don’t like you, I don’t like Jess, I don’t like your parents either.I could care less that you are my father! I hate you sooooo much! And you won’t be able to change my mind on any of the feeling that I feel right now. I hope your happ with yourself and have a good life with out me in it because I don’t wanna see you again, talk to you gain, have anything to do with you ever again. I know that Jess is pregnant I know that you have lied to my brother I know that you have lied to my mom about Jess being over at your parents house when trevor is over. And with all honesty I don’t want her around ANY of my siblings. You can choose your kids…or her? It’s your choice but If you choose her then you don’t have to worry about us anymore just like you have for the past 9 years of our lives so you can go with her. You are so immature. And another thing don’t you EVER EVER call my mother names again! Or there will be problems not there already isn’t. I am so protective of my sibling and my mom you don’t even know you ever lay a hand on her or any of my siblings I will literally beat the crap out of you! I may not be able to do much damage but I will NOT stand for you using words that are hurtful towards them! It WILL NOT happen with me around! I MEAN THAT! You have lost so much and are gaining nothing from your lies. I hope that you hurt! I hope that you feel the pain that I have felt for the past 9 freaking years of my life! No one likes you! I honestly could care less that you have any one to lean on for this time of your life.
People at your work have seen what you have done to your kids. They don’t like it either they know about you cheating on Nancy with Jess. They see what you are doing. But you don’t because you see YOU. You don’t see everyone else in your life only you! It’s all about you, you, you, you! I hope your happy with that. Because you are very selfish being! I don’t want you anymore! I literally had an emotional break down the other night screaming, kicking, and balling my eyes out saying , “hate him, I don’t want him anymore, I don’t care anymore, I want him gone”. I remember what I would do to try and fix us. But it was all for nothing now because really me trying to spend time with you di nothing for us obviously because you got your way and kept lying to me. You didn’t even tell me about the divorce or Jess or that you lied to me. You haven’t even admitted that you had an affair. YOU HAVE BEEN CAUGHT! There is no way out this time for you. In all seriousness there really is no way out for you! I honestly feel bad for your selfish decisions because this is where they have you now. You sir are stuck in a HUGE hole that YOU have dug for yourself. SUCKS TO BE YOU! I honestly don’t even care!
I hate you so, so, so, so much!!! You have affected me like no one has ever affected me EVER! I don’t care anymore. I don’t want you in my life. I don’t want a relationship with you anymore. You say you care about me and love me. You liar. You deceiver. HOW DARE YOU?!?!?!? You are pathetic. Words really and truthfully can’t describe how much you hurt me. I’m so incredibly done with you. I just can’t even express to you…
If you make my brother go next week for thanksgiving I will be out at that truck taking my brother from you and if I need to I will grab him from you! I will not watch my brother go with such a horrible person on thanksgiving. I don’t want him around you. I promise you will never see me again. I already get mad thinking about him going with you next week. I don’t care if its going with you for a minute. There is a minute for you to brain wash him again. And tell him to lie to my mom and my family! That is so wrong on so many levels you don’t even know! You don’t tell someone to lie and get away with it. Especially with me! I will not stand for it any longer! YOU MAKE ME SO FILLED WITH ANGER!!!! I HATE THIS!!! I hate being mad and angry. And it’s because of you! You’re a horrible father to all of your kids! I hate you so much! I sometimes wish I wasn’t born into your family because then I wouldn’t have to be typing this letter that I’m never going to give to you. But you have made me so mad that I literally can’t even think straight anymore. I have not even been able to go to school because of you. I just wanna go lock myself in my room and stay there for a while just so that I don’t have to deal with this stress that you have put on me. I have been caring your burdens for to long and I’m done with it! These aren’t my burdens to bare any longer. They never were my burdens to carry. They were yours. You made me lie to mom. That isn’t right. You’re horrible!
I have so much on my plate right now! I have court that I have to deal with next week I have to go to a councilor again because you have messed me up so much!
Have a nice life with out me because I don't wanna deal with you or your crap anymore I can't do it anymore..
Sarah
